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October 25, 2012 / subramanyam

Let’s make it Long


This is my third speech at ToastMasters. Gave it some one half month back .

 

(Again I did not stick to the script, however I felt the outcome was better (miraculously) than the  script written . )

          FYI,FYR, ASAP,CMNG if you are understanding half of the words I am speaking you have successfully installed a virus called SMS English that has the potential to corrupt a language called English in your memory. Respected TMOD , fellow toastmasters and guests I Subramanyam K.V am here to speak about the ill effects of the short forms we use in our day to day language.

          Some time back somewhere in 2005 , one of my friends was telling me an experience that actually shook him up. One day a 4 year kid walked up to his father(my friend) and asked him “pappa  what is meant by sex?”  My friend was terrified, when he heard it. What is this?  a 4 year old talking about Sex!!!! Where is the world going ? he was asking himself….

           “Papa, you have not answered , bolo na … ”  his son brought him back. Now obviously he could not explain the three lettered word to his son , so now he was employing a diversionary tactic but still  did not want lie.  So he started beta see , the tree, it has flowers, flower becomes fruit, from fruit comes nut and nut becomes tree. The son came back , papa I was asking about Sex and you are telling me all this …. Tell me about sex …. The father showed birds and other stuff the son wouldn’t listen . Finally he got angry and shouted, who told you about this word ???

          The son was terrified, he started crying and told “Papa I asked mommy noodles and she said 2 secs beta. I will get it for you. I did not understand what is secs.”

            Just imagine what would have happened if the mom said 2 seconds beta. We all are prone to this short form syndrome, for thanks we write thnx, some even write 10x. Will see you later is wll c u ltr.

            Let me tell you a joke I heard some 12 years back. I was in my Plus 2 that my English teacher Mr. M.Dinesh Nair told me this .  I have juiced it up a little with some more jokes which I got from the internet.

            An American woman, wanted to research on the lifestyle of the English farmers. She went to England and selected a rural area which suited her research. Now she had to find a home to stay, she visited a landlord who was farmer and saw an accommodation with him. She liked it and told him that she would confirm it the next week.  She travelled back to London. However, after she arrived back at her hotel, the thought occurred to her that she had not asked about the western-style closet (the western style bathroom ). Now she could not ask about a bathroom to a male  so she immediately wrote a note to the farmer asking about the “W.C., ” meaning Western Style Closet.

          The farmer, who was far from being an expert in English, did not know what the initials “W.C.” meant. He ran to the local wise man, a priest in the nearest church, for the priest W.C meant a Wayside Chapel. He was elated that a God fearing woman was coming to their neighborhood and asked the farmer to send the reply.  Few days later the lady got the following letter.

Dear Madam,

          I take great pleasure in informing you that we have a W.C. is in about 7 miles away from the house in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sunday and Thursday only. I recommend that you come early, although there is plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

          You will no doubt be glad to hear that a good number bring their lunch and make a day of it, while others who can afford it go by car and arrive just in time. I would especially suggest that your ladyship go on Thursday when there is social music. Acoustically, the place is excellent.

           It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the W.C., and it was there she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats.

           The newest attraction is a bell donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings joyously every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all, since the people think it is a long-felt need.

           My wife is rather delicate and does not go regularly. Naturally, it pains her very much not to attend more often.

           If you wish, I shall be glad to reserve the best seat for you where you will be seen by all, while you are having the best moments of your day. Hoping I have been of service to you, I remain,

Sincerely,

Farmer.

            Friends please use the short form of the language only when you are sure that the other party also understands it, else please speak the words and sentences in full the at least helps us from running into trouble.

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